I’m me-ee, I’m me-ee, and that’s all I can be

It’s so exhausting trying to be someone you’re not. Trust me, I know.

I faked my way through most of high school.

I compromised myself to be liked. It worked, but at the same time it didn’t.

When I was being someone that I wasn’t I did gain friends. Good friends.

But when I was finally being me and expressing who I truly was I gained even better friends.

It sounds like I have myself all figured out and shit, but I haven’t.

I’m still trying to understand who I am. 

Identity is a struggle that everyone faces. Who are we? Who do we want to be? How do I just be?

This week I started creating videos. I would record myself, edit the video, then post it on YouTube.

As I was looking at the video, I thought to myself, Why don’t I act like that in front of my friends and family? I was being so extra in the video and I liked it. 

It’s so fascinating because I’m a different person in those videos. 

I feel like I am myself most of the time. Like 67% of the time, I just need to add on…add on…What’s 100-67?? I honestly do not feel like doing the math. Ughhh. Okay so 70, 80, 90, that’s 30. Okay so I need to add on that 33%. 

I guess I’m just scared to be me. I’m scared to say what’s on my mind, to be silly, to make stupid jokes.

I think I try too hard to be perfect. Nobody is perfect and most people know that and will accept you for who you are. 

I’m not perfect. I’m not the prettiest person on earth nor the smartest. I’m not the funniest, not the nicest. I have struggles and I had them too. I’m just me. I have flaws and you know what? That’s okay.

Snow Day!!! (Part One) (2.2.15)

Since there was a blizzard yesterday, I had no school! Yay! I’m glad I had today off because I didn’t even finish my English homework. It’s late I should probably get started on it. Before I do that, I’m going to finish this post!

Today started off bad then turned into good. This is why:
So I woke up feeling hurt. I felt that God wasn’t hearing or answering my requests. I have been asking and praying for these requests for years. For some reason, I felt like He wasn’t doing anything. I was hurt and sad. I kept saying things like: “God, I believe in You and trust You, but why aren’t You doing anything? I’m frustrated! I don’t want to doubt You, for some reason I’m leaning toward doubt. Are You really there? No. I know You are, but it feels like You aren’t.” I was angry. But then something amazing happened. I don’t know why, but I grabbed my iPod, opened up WordPress, and read my sister’s recent blog post. (I will reblog it so you guys can read it). It was about how God answers prayers. He already answered even before you prayed about it. It may take time before you actually have the answer, but you just have to be patient. As I was reading the post, I cried. It really got to me. God new what I was going through. He new that I was starting to doubt Him. He was telling me that I just need to be patient, keep praying, and trusting in him. I need that. Thank You God!

I have a lot of other things to say about my day, but I’m going to stop right here. This post would be super long if I kept going so goodnight!

Ps. I will reblog my sister’s post