Black Boy

I can write a love story about every guy I’ve ever liked. 

Soft gentle full lips on mine.

A touch here

A hand there

A squeeze

A bite

A smile 

We stop and stare

I move away still staring

I’m cheesing

He’s laughing

“What?”

“You’re so cute.”

A pull

Hands at my waist

Arms around his neck

Another kiss

More intense 

A deep inhale

A tighter squeeze 

More

He wants more

I want more

But we stop

And that is

The end

Fast

I’m going on a fast.

I need to clear my mind.

Something is going on with me.

Social media has always made me sad, but I still check it.

I keep comparing myself to other people. 

I have this constant fear that my friends secretly don’t like me.

I know they do, it’s just that I worry about that a lot.

I worry a lot.

I like to be noticed.

I like attention.

There’s so much going on in my mind.

I have a constant fear that I’m not good enough.

I don’t know why I’m confessing all of this.

I just need to get some things out.

On the outside I look fine. 

On the inside I’m not.

I’m not fine. 

Things are going okay in my life, but I’m not okay.

I don’t know why.

My friend told me I judge myself too harshly.

She’s right, I do.

I’m staying off of social media for the rest of this week. 

Beautiful?

My crush called me beautiful. I should be beaming with joy, I should be happy that he called me beautiful, but I hate it. I. Hate. It. I hate when people complement my physical appearance sometimes. I used to love it when I was younger because I thought if I look good I would have more friends and people would like me. I have very low self confidence. Now, on Monday he told me I was a unique individual and what I think matters. That was the best complement I had in a while. I like when people complement me on my mind and who I am as a person and I know I shouldn’t be relying on others to feel good about myself, but I don’t know… It would be nice if someone told me I was smart because I don’t think I am.

 

 

8.17.15 Friday

“Dear journal, I start school next week. Boo-hoo. This school year I’m trying to be different. I don’t mean like everybody else at school. No way! I’m trying to live a healthy lifestyle. I’m going to work harder in school. Eat healthier be myself. And do things that make me happy. So I have all these quotes and verses on my bedroom wall to help me feel good. I’m trying to be a better Hannah Michelle Leonard. This is going to be a hard road, but I can do it-if I try my best. I’m going to fall, but I’m going to be pick myself up and keep moving forward. No more dwelling on the past. I will turn my past into art.”

I’m Back Bitches

Hey.

Recap of my life:

1.) I think my depression is getting better!

2.) I’m on the honor roll (yassss!!)

3.) I started doubting God and I think I became agnostic for like a month.

4.) I gave a boy that I really like my number!

5.) I decided to have Bible study lessons with my Pastor. (I’m trying to be a follower of Christ instead of a fan*)

6.) I’m reading a book called Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman*

7.) I’m a much better creative writer. I’ll show y’all some pieces one day!

8.) I am slowly becoming confident in myself and I’m starting not to care what others think of me.

9.) I’m back bitches.

 

Follow me around! Twitter & Instagram: @mshannahleo

Hair Instagram: @sisterlocks16

 

 

Labels

There are so many labels. Labels are on everything. Even on humans. Some labels people give themselves: gay, straight, liberal, conservative, hippie, black, white, and many more.
Why do we label ourselves? Is it because we want people to know who we are? Why do I need to know that you are a neat freak or gay. Is that helping me or hurting me?
What I’m trying to say is just be yourself… Don’t give yourself a label. Just be you or who you want to be. Be free, with no labels holding you down. I hope you understand this reader and I hope it makes sense to you. ‘Cause it makes a lot of sense to me. Be you and be free!

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