A week ago today 

I went to L. A. Fitness to take a nice dip in the pool. After an hour of swimming, I decided to go inside the jacuzzi. As I was sitting in the hot water an old white man came in and  sat down. I looked at him and wondered how old he was, I wanted to ask I him, but I got scared. Then a black man came into the jacuzzi. We were all quiet, just relaxing in the warm water. I wanted to talk them so bad, so I just said it! I asked the question that I’ve been dying to ask them!! “How old are you guys?” 

(I don’t know their names, so I just identified them as their “race”)

“I’m 83,” says the white man.

“Really? I thought you were 86!” I tell him.

The black man answers, “I’m 70,” he says in a calm way.

“Ohh, you know what, you look your age actually. How old do you guys think I am?”

The black man right away says, “You looked about ten!” 

Me: “What!”

WM: “I think you’re 19.”

Me: “Nope, I’m 18.”

The white man was sitting closer to me and he mentioned that too, so he can see my age. Ha!

We began a conversation about the past wars. The white man is a veteran of the Korean War!! And the black a veteran of the Vietnam War!! It was pretty cool talking to them. We also talked about race and religion and about how people don’t really talk to each other anymore. We are so divided. I’m glad I started up a conversation with them. That was fun. I was afraid to ask them their age because I assumed they thought it would be rude, but they were open and answered honestly. I love old people. 

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Wow!!

I’m really sexy! I was going through my photos on google from the summer before Freshman year of high school to now. I have evolved. At first, I was really adorable then towards my senior year I just got really sexy. Like wow! Go me! I’m fine! I’m hot! I’m just DAMN! I thank my mom, I think that she’s just a naturally sexy woman. Beauty and sexiness (lol) comes out when you don’t try to be. 

I think I reached that level of sexiness (lol), but not confidence. 

Dirty Minded

Sex! I don’t know why, but I love to talk about sex. I’m a virgin and I’m planning to wait till marriage, sex is so interesting to me. I want to have it because I’m a sexual human being, but I think I think I can wait. 

Recently, I was thinking about how I might not wait and if there’s a guy that I’m sexually attracted to and he’s attracted to me, I’d definitely do it. So I started doing research on birth control and where the nearest planned parenthood was. I even began to ask my mother questions, she started getting paranoid, so I told her I need to be informed about these things. 

Anyway, there’s nobody I’m sexually attracted to so I won’t be doing the deed anytime soon. But honestly, I don’t want to have sex just to have it (I mean that would be fun, but nah). I feel like it’ll be much better with the man that I love. You know, just connecting on so many levels. 

For now, I just really want to make out with someone. I really do. Haha! The dude I was constantly talking about last summer, he and I only made out twice. Only two times. It should’ve been more lol, but whatevs. I think two was enough, because if we continued, I’m pretty sure we would have eventually effed. OMG! Why am I talking about this. This is too open….whatevs

Anyway, I’m trying to have a clean mind and spirit. I need to focus on God.

I

Know I told you guys this already, but I’ve been giving away things. Why? I have too much stuff!

I’m trying to be a minimalist, but at the same time I love stuff!! I think I’m a very quirky and eccentric young woman and I want my life to show or I guess represent that. 

How can I do that if I’m trying to be a minimalist?

My family is moving soon and I’m trying to get rid of more stuff. I don’t want to give shit away for free anymore, I want to sell. Ohhh, I know what I’m doing. I don’t want to be a minimalist, I just want to get rid of my old stuff so that I can buy new stuff! Ohh lol 😂 

I’m not trying to be a new person, but I’m trying to live a new life for me. 

I also want to explore different religions. I do believe that spirituality/religion is important at first I was unsure, not anymore. I’m going to continue reading the Bible and talking to God, but I want to explore Buddhism. I’ve always been interested in that religion, I need to do some research on it.

You have to stop!

Hannah, stop! Wake up every morning, go to the mirror, and tell yourself that you are beautiful! Cause you are

Do face masks and workout because you like to take care of yourself. Don’t do it because you don’t want people to find you ugly.

Enjoy your chopped hair! If you don’t, when it gets longer you’re gonna look back at the short hair photos and think wow I looked good, I wished I enjoyed it! 

You’re okay, you’re fine. I love you. Be your weird self, honestly nobody cares. 

Also, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be hurt, it’s okay be angry. It’s okay to be fearful.

Scream and shout and let it all out! You are young! You are free! Don’t let anything or anyone hold you back. You’ll be okay, you’ll be fine. I know it and that’s coming from you.

God has a plan for you. He’s going to send you someone. 

Remember to love yourself. 

You’re gonna be okay.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck 

okay much better 👌🏾

July 15, 2017

I talk to God. Out loud. 

We have plenty of UHMAZING conversations. 

Whenever I talk to Him, I have a major breakthrough.

Whenever I talk to Him, I am smart, am wise, I am a better me.

When I don’t talk to the One and Only, my mind is blank, hollow, empty.

Whenever I focus on things other than God, I get hurt.

God should be my main focus. He’s guiding me through life and I need to follow. 

Sometimes being a follower is difficult because you want to do your own thing and be your own person.