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I’ve been disconnected from writing, reading, God, and things that are important to me.

I’ve been connected to my phone.

When I’m disconnected to important things, my mind acts up. It’s weird. My memory goes away, my confidence goes down, my happiness leaves, I’m not content when I’m disconnected.

I need to disconnect from my phone and connect to everything else.

this is funny (100th post!!)

This has happened twice in my life. I like a boy, we get to know each other, I tell him I have feelings for him, he then tells me, “I still have feelings for you too, but I’m dating *girls name*” OR he says, “I have a girlfriend in Michigan.” It always ends on a good note…lol. I mean, I’m still friends with these guys, things are all good, but this is weird. I can’t make this a pattern. See, with the first guy while he was talking to me he was single, but also talking to another girl and I didn’t know. With the second guy I assumed he was single because he would flirt with me. He also never mentioned a girlfriend to my friend who was trying to bring us together. The first guy, I knew him for a pretty long time. The second guy is more recent. This is crazy. I’m not mad, or hurt, I’m just so confused. Why? I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t try too hard. I don’t know… Maybe God is telling me that I’m just not ready for a boyfriend and you know what? That’s okay.

*This is actually kind of funny thoughhhhhhh

*But OMG! This recent guy is such a babe. Nicest guy I’ve ever met. Sweet, intellectual, understanding, he is forgiving of other people’s faults, intelligent. It’s so cool how he can retain knowledge. He’s a really cool dude. Gosh, I liked him a lot. I know if I dated him I would learn a lot. Oh yeah, and he is beautiful. He has the prettiest blue eyes ever, he looks like a Greek statue (minus the muscle lol, but that’s okay). His bone structure is to die for lol. Okay lemme stop, I sound like a creep. 

**2 hours later: This actually kind of sucks, but the thing is I don’t care. I’m used to it. At least I can finally be myself, so that’s a plus. I’m not even going to try anymore. Okay from now on I’m gonna focus my attention on other things like art, writing, school, friends, God, important stuff.

Every morning, I do my daily devotion with God. I noticed a while ago that whenever I do it, whenever I spend time with Him my day is just amazing.

Today, I didn’t do my morning worship, but so far this day has been good. I started thinking,Β Do I really need to spend time with God to have an amazing day? I realized I wasn’t spending time with God just to spend time with Him, it was just so that I could have a good day. So I was using God for my satisfaction. Sometimes I get so worried when I don’t do it. I’m just like, Oh no, I didn’t do it, today is going to be awful I already know it. Earlier this week I did my worship and it was a pretty awful day.

I realized that when I do my worships with the One and Only, I should be in the right spirit. I should want to be with Him and talk to Him because 1.) He’s amazing and great, 2.) There is no one else like Him 3.) He created me, the heavens and the earth, and 4.) He makes my days wonderful and I should be grateful. I’d be useless without Him. My friend, Kiara, called God her Beloved and I just love that. I’m going to steal that from her.

To me that’s a lot

I just spent $40 in two days. I don’t have a job. 

Somebody please pray that I get a job, so that I can buy stuff. 

I’m actually very serious, please pray for me I need a job.

Dear God,

You know how I am. You know that I like to shop. God, please I pray that I can find a job. Christmas is coming up and I want to get my siblings presents. God I really need one, not only for money, but to have something to do, to meet new people, to learn about being an adult…and to help pay for college. God, I really need a job. Please bless me with one. I praise you in Jesus’s name, Amen.

God is so gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

So like over a month ago I lost my retainers. I lost my Gosh Darn Retainers!!!!

I’m like how did I lose my retainers in a small two bedroom apartment. 

So night and day for like two weeks I’m praying and I’m trying to be a good Christian, so that I can find my retainers.

I’m like, “God I’ve been praying for two weeks straight, why can’t I find them?” You guys, I’m like getting so frustrated with God. I’m like, “GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? MY TEETH ARE STARTING TO SHIFT!!! UGHHHHH! GOD, ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH ME A LESSON OR SOMETHING???” 

I eventually stopped praying, because I had this feeling that I was going to find it and I just needed to be patient. I just trusted God that I was going to find it. So I’m just chillin and shiz. I’m not worried or frustrated, I’m just all good.

So today I lost my boot and as I was looking for it under my bed…I found my RETAINERS!!!!!! God is so good!

Just relax, and let God do His thang. Trust in Him with your whole heart. 

Psalm 9:10 β€œAnd they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.”

Idk what to do

I don’t know what’s happening to me. Like I’m usually a really dry person who shows no emotion and says, “Oh” to anything I don’t know how to respond to. Then all of a sudden in January of 2016 I became this cheery happy person and I tried my best to respond with something interesting. Ugh I freaking hate that, I try too hard then things become awkward. Because of this sudden change, I messed up things with my crush.(he also messed up) He and I could’ve had chance. I don’t know how to fix things… I’m so sad and mad. πŸ˜₯😑πŸ˜₯😑😑😑😑πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯😑

The past two days I was m–

I’m just going to put this situation into God’s hands. He’ll know what to do. 

From now on I’m going to quit talking about this boy with my friends and quit writing about him because I’m annoying myself.

I’m Back Bitches

Hey.

Recap of my life:

1.) I think my depression is getting better!

2.) I’m on the honor roll (yassss!!)

3.) I started doubting God and I think I became agnostic for like a month.

4.) I gave a boy that I really like my number!

5.) I decided to have Bible study lessons with my Pastor. (I’m trying to be a follower of Christ instead of a fan*)

6.) I’m reading a book calledΒ Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman*

7.) I’m a much better creative writer. I’ll show y’all some pieces one day!

8.) I am slowly becoming confident in myself and I’m starting not to care what others think of me.

9.) I’m back bitches.

 

Follow me around! Twitter & Instagram: @mshannahleo

Hair Instagram: @sisterlocks16