I was wrong

I don’t need a best friend. I already have one. Her name is Naomi Sconiers. I’ve known her since sixth grade. Once we graduated from middle school I thought we weren’t going to talk anymore, but we still kept up with each other. The last time I saw in person was two years ago. We FaceTime, text, and talk on the phone. I really appreciate her. I have good people in my life. I think I was just feeling lonely because my friends all left and were making new friends, but I know that they still appreciate me. Even though I’m saying this, I still do hope that I make some friends at my community college too. It’s always good to have connections everywhere.

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Ups and downs

We all have our up and downs. We have our neutrals too. Sometimes we’re right in the middle. Just fine. Regular. I’ve been feeling that lately. I’m just so ehh. I’m trying not to think about certain things that’ll get me down. 

Last Thursday I came home from work listening to music. I was listening to the Hairspray soundtrack and Dreamgirls. Then a Disney song. I don’t remember the song just that it was Disney. I started to think about my sisters Naomi and Rebecca, we’d have movie nights, eat General Tso tofu, eat junk food. I miss that. We haven’t done that in years. Then I started thinking about how I wish I had a best friend. I want a partner in crime. I want a friend that knows my family and everything about me, and I know everything about them and their fam too. You know? I want to stay up late on a Saturday night and watch musicals with her! Be completely comfortable with her. I guess I want a best friend who’s kind of like another sister just my age. 

I do have good friends, but they all kind of have their own best friends.

I want someone here with me. I miss some of my friends. I used to not have any. I really appreciate them, they’re good people. I’m just very lonely.

Summer

Okay so you know the dude I’ve been talking about a lot…I just realized that I don’t really have feelings for him. He’s a great guy, but not for me. I was all in my feelings and shit for the past two weeks, then all of a sudden I wasn’t. That is the Lord working on me, I know it. This is so funny because I was texting my friends about him and listening to love songs. I almost cried. I’m laughing as I’m writing this post. This is so silly!! Wow! He and I were supposed to go see a movie in the park tomorrow which is July 18 and we planned this a few weeks ago. All last week I was thinking that by tomorrow he was gonna stand me up. I was all worried and everything. Then yesterday I realized that I don’t care to go with him as much as I did two days ago, I mean I wouldn’t mind, but it was just whatever. So last night I text him and asked him if he still wanted to go, but he couldn’t because he had to do something. I was totally fine and invited 2 other people. It’s true what they say. Feelings come and go. I’m sure I still have a little bit for him, but I don’t care anymore and that’s amazing. 

One thing is for sure about this dude. I don’t have any regrets kissing him or having feelings for him or anything because he is a special guy and I know that in the future he’s going to find a girl as great and special as he is. 

Update ew I hate dat werd

1.) Prom was last Saturday. I wore a suit.

2.) I’m not sure if I’m losing myself or actually becoming who I truly am. We’ll see. The reason for the unsurity is because I don’t know who Hannah is, so becoming her is new for me.

3.) I’m currently writing erotica. Hehehe! My friend inspired me to write one. It’s prettay good so far lol

4.) Things are going swell, but I know this isn’t going to last.

*So I just found out that unsurity isn’t a word…

Not a Draft

I wish I knew how to converse with people. I have a lot to say, I’m just a slow thinker and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I wish I knew how to connect with people.

I’m going to college soon and I want to make lifelong friends. It’s going to be harder though because I’m going to a community college.

Making friends and connecting with people shouldn’t be hard though. People do it all the time.

I’m so bored with my life. I want to have fun!!! I want to try new things, meet new people.

I really want to not post this and save it as a draft, but I told myself, I am not doing that this year.

Ughhhhhh

Kiss

I want to tell everyone. 

My mom

My dad

My sisters

My brothers

Each and everyone of my friends,

but I can’t.

Is it really any of their business? How do I tell them? It can’t be all at once. I’ll tell them at the end, when it’s all over. What would my parents think? They wouldn’t​ be angry. I know what they’d do and it would bother me so much. 

This news is exciting! and new for me.

I just hope everything works out in God’s favor.

Beautiful?

My crush called me beautiful. I should be beaming with joy, I should be happy that he called me beautiful, but I hate it. I. Hate. It. I hate when people complement my physical appearance sometimes. I used to love it when I was younger because I thought if I look good I would have more friends and people would like me. I have very low self confidence. Now, on Monday he told me I was a unique individual and what I think matters. That was the best complement I had in a while. I like when people complement me on my mind and who I am as a person and I know I shouldn’t be relying on others to feel good about myself, but I don’t know… It would be nice if someone told me I was smart because I don’t think I am.