I’m me-ee, I’m me-ee, and that’s all I can be

It’s so exhausting trying to be someone you’re not. Trust me, I know.

I faked my way through most of high school.

I compromised myself to be liked. It worked, but at the same time it didn’t.

When I was being someone that I wasn’t I did gain friends. Good friends.

But when I was finally being me and expressing who I truly was I gained even better friends.

It sounds like I have myself all figured out and shit, but I haven’t.

I’m still trying to understand who I am. 

Identity is a struggle that everyone faces. Who are we? Who do we want to be? How do I just be?

This week I started creating videos. I would record myself, edit the video, then post it on YouTube.

As I was looking at the video, I thought to myself, Why don’t I act like that in front of my friends and family? I was being so extra in the video and I liked it. 

It’s so fascinating because I’m a different person in those videos. 

I feel like I am myself most of the time. Like 67% of the time, I just need to add on…add on…What’s 100-67?? I honestly do not feel like doing the math. Ughhh. Okay so 70, 80, 90, that’s 30. Okay so I need to add on that 33%. 

I guess I’m just scared to be me. I’m scared to say what’s on my mind, to be silly, to make stupid jokes.

I think I try too hard to be perfect. Nobody is perfect and most people know that and will accept you for who you are. 

I’m not perfect. I’m not the prettiest person on earth nor the smartest. I’m not the funniest, not the nicest. I have struggles and I had them too. I’m just me. I have flaws and you know what? That’s okay.

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Acceptance, a lot of acceptance

Let me just warn you before you read this: the words accept, accepted, acceptance, and belong is used a lot because I do not have good vocabulary.

The other day I was thinking about acceptance and how people always want to be accepted. I was wondering WHY people want to be accepted. Then, I started thinking, if we want to be accepted, we have to accept ourselves, we have to accept our flaws and everything about us. We humans want to belong to something. But why? Why do we want to be accepted or belong to something? I really want to know why. Actually I don’t need to know why, but I want to. I’m really confusing myself. Am I confusing you, I hope not, reader. Actually I do know why we want to be accepted, because we can finally be ourselves. For example, I’m weird and I accept that, but I don’t feel accepted because I am weird. You know? I want to be around people who accept my weirdness and won’t judge me because I’m weird. Is this confusing? Actually scratch that! I don’t accept my weirdness, because if I did, I would not feel the need to be accepted. So right now I’m accepting my weirdness! I don’t care if people don’t like it, because I’m awesome and weird!

If you are confused, please comment. If you are not please comment. Just please comment and like! Thank you!