I’m going on a fast.

I need to clear my mind.

Something is going on with me.

Social media has always made me sad, but I still check it.

I keep comparing myself to other people. 

I have this constant fear that my friends secretly don’t like me.

I know they do, it’s just that I worry about that a lot.

I worry a lot.

I like to be noticed.

I like attention.

There’s so much going on in my mind.

I have a constant fear that I’m not good enough.

I don’t know why I’m confessing all of this.

I just need to get some things out.

On the outside I look fine. 

On the inside I’m not.

I’m not fine. 

Things are going okay in my life, but I’m not okay.

I don’t know why.

My friend told me I judge myself too harshly.

She’s right, I do.

I’m staying off of social media for the rest of this week. 


I’ve been disconnected from writing, reading, God, and things that are important to me.

I’ve been connected to my phone.

When I’m disconnected to important things, my mind acts up. It’s weird. My memory goes away, my confidence goes down, my happiness leaves, I’m not content when I’m disconnected.

I need to disconnect from my phone and connect to everything else.

Update ew I hate dat werd

1.) Prom was last Saturday. I wore a suit.

2.) I’m not sure if I’m losing myself or actually becoming who I truly am. We’ll see. The reason for the unsurity is because I don’t know who Hannah is, so becoming her is new for me.

3.) I’m currently writing erotica. Hehehe! My friend inspired me to write one. It’s prettay good so far lol

4.) Things are going swell, but I know this isn’t going to last.

*So I just found out that unsurity isn’t a word…

Cause I’m a woman


I’m 18

I’m a woman

I’m a black woman.

I won’t stop being angsty.

The angst will go away on its own.

I can still be rebellious, but I’m gonna have to watch out more be—-

(Omg breaking news!!

This boy that I liked last year Snapchatted me. I just opened it and did not reply. I am utterly grossed out about that crush.)

I don’t want to want. I want to just be. Be content and hope for the best.

Is it bad to rethink things? I need to talk to God. I haven’t really talked to Him in a while.


“My head is spinning. Drop me in a whole. I want to fall forever.”

That quote is from my last post. When I posted it then read it after, I noticed the mistake I made. I put “whole” instead of “hole.” I was going to fix it, but I decided not to. The hole is whole. I’m never going to fall in a hole forever and run away from my problems. Or I’ll fall into hole, but I have to find a way to get out. 

If a hole is whole, I can’t fall in.

Not a Draft

I wish I knew how to converse with people. I have a lot to say, I’m just a slow thinker and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I wish I knew how to connect with people.

I’m going to college soon and I want to make lifelong friends. It’s going to be harder though because I’m going to a community college.

Making friends and connecting with people shouldn’t be hard though. People do it all the time.

I’m so bored with my life. I want to have fun!!! I want to try new things, meet new people.

I really want to not post this and save it as a draft, but I told myself, I am not doing that this year.


April 9, 2017 Sunday (Journal Entry)

(why am I sharing this??)

“Dear journal, everbodies struggle is not the same. People respond to their past differently. Everybody is allowed to feel or hurt or sad. I hate when people are like ‘my sob story is worse than yours, so you don’t understand and you’re not allowed to be hurt or feel some intense emotion.’ It bothers me when people do that. It’s not fair.”

How to be Badass

I WANT TO BE BAD ASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this article is probably for guys, but I’m breaking that barrier because I’m badass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


When it comes to doing pretty much anything in life, you’ll find that there are 3 types of people; the quitters or “dropouts”, the amateurs or “normies”, and the experts or “badasses.”  If you are the type of person that tries something and finds that it is too hard, this article is for you.  If you are the person that is pretty decent at many of the things you do, but you’re rarely the best at anything, this article is for you.  If you are billy badass, but you can’t pass calculus, this article is for you.  If you can read, this article is for you.

Sooner or later we all come to the realization that most people view life as a competition.  You’ve all heard the saying “it’s a dog eat dog world.”  Maybe you agree, maybe not. But either way, you wanna stack up.  We all have it in us to want to strive right? To be the best that we can be?  Well it takes more than big biceps, a motorcycle, and cool sunglasses to be a badass (although all of those are important).  I’m going to show you how.

First of all there is a few things you must understand about the Badass.  Being a Badass isn’t a tough guy act, it isn’t an attitude that disappears at the end of the day.  Badasses are Badasses all the time, they don’t take breaks and they don’t rest.  Also understand that to be a Badass is to be in control of yourself all the time, whether someone just smashed a bottle on your head or you walked into class to a test you forgot to study for.

Steps Toward Becoming a Badass

  1. The first step to becoming a badass is to forget about society’s rules and conventions. I’m not talking about breaking laws or cheating here, but rather don’t worry about what is “normal.”  If your intent is to be the best that you can be, some of society’s rules are only going to hold you back.  Break a couple of rules and you’ll earn the Badass identity quickly.
  2. Be honest all the time. A Badass doesn’t have to lie because he doesn’t have to.  After a while people will come to like your honesty, and some will want to talk to you even if what you have to say hurts.  They will respect your honesty.
  3. Speak your mind anytime it is necessary. Don’t wait to be asked, don’t worry about what people will think.  If something needs to be said, it’s always the badass who says it.
  4. Speak with confidence and power. If you aren’t sure of yourself, nobody will be.  Also use strong vocabulary.  Words like “cool” are so weak and used by the mediocre.  It’s time to step it up.  Adapt war metaphors and powerful vocabulary to show strength.
  5. Be mysterious. The more people know about you the more normal you are.  Never talk just to talk, and never share just to share.  A badass always has a sense of unknown to him.
  6. Always look to improve. No matter what you do, there is always someone and someway to do it better.  Find this person or way and master it.  Then find a better way and master it.  Always adapt, always be ready to move, to improve.  Never, EVER quit because it’s too hard, and never be content with where you are.  Always strive for better.
  7. Have a Badass look. You’ll never be a badass in your polo shirt and khakis.  Find a way to Badass it up, and wear it with confidence.  Find your inner macho man and exploit it.  Note: Cool sunglasses, watch, and a 5 o’clock shadow never hurt.
  8. Assess yourself physically. While a badass might not be a bodybuilder, he is always ready for any situation.  This means he is physically fit, he can shoot a gun, ride a motorcycle, drive a stick, start a fire, survive in almost any condition, can hold his own in a fight, and is intimidating even to his superiors.  If you can’t run a mile or lift 100 lbs, you have a long way to go.
  9. Have a soft heart for the weak. A badass always, and I mean always, sticks up for the underdog, which includes old ladies, kids, the underdog team, puppies, etc.  This means that if the little guy is about to get pummeled by some big dude, you have to step in, even if the big guy looks like he can disfigure your face.  This is your responsibility as a badass.
  10. Get Badass hobbies. That’s right, more than one, and all super badass.  For example, I ride a motorcycle, workout every day, play guitar like a rockstar, make badass movies, and can photoshop any of your pics to make you look like a badass too.
  11. Be ready for anything. This one may not be for the weak of heart.  If someone is dying, a badass knows what to do.  Most badasses carry a knife.  Not something that looks like it’s made to kill people, but something that can be used as a tool (not a leatherman, but a cool looking pocket knife).  You gotta be handy with the steel.
  12. Walk with a swagger. A badass’s walk says so much about who he is.  It shows strength, intimidation, coolness, and a little something that says “I don’t care what you think about me, and that’s how I know you want me.”  Get in front of the mirror and don’t leave until you can see that in yourself.
  13. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. No idle talk, and no confusion.  A Badass means everything he says, and says only important things.
  14. Have a mean stare. A Badass knows the importance of a steel gaze; it can save them from many situations from an argument with a ladyfriend to a fight with a big dude.  This is also congruent with the Badass’s stance.  Never lean against things, or slouch.  Badass’s look ready and aware at all times.  Cross your arms whenever you can.
  15. Never order anything with whipped cream. Badasses don’t have time or patience for that whipped womanizing fluff.  Don’t even dare touch it… hahah
  16. Master a war cry. This is serious business.  You should have a war cry that strikes fear into the heart of your enemies.  Practice a scream until it scares you enough to wet your own pants.  In fact, if you do wet your pants, you’ll know it’s good.
  17. Do things without looking. From passing something to a friend to locking your car with a remote, doing things without looking is so Badass. Practice throwing things at a target without looking so you don’t hit someone in the face.
  18. Always be nice, until it’s time to be mean. A badass isn’t a jerk.  Have some manners, and be nice to people until you have to be mean.  But when that time comes, hold nothing back until it’s time to be nice again.
  19. Guard your time. A badass protects his time like a father protects his daughter.  Spend your time doing only things that are important to you, and if something isn’t, terminate this quickly.  This will ensure that you are developing or exercising your badassness all of the time.
  20. Forget the Haters. Every badass knows that haters are gonna hate, every day, all the time.  Do yourself a favor and forget the haters before they come.  A Badass is a hater’s main target, so be aware.