trash talk

 

(the negatives)

everytime i try to open up to her about my deep personal problems, she always brushes it off and never takes it seriously.

she talks to me like i’m a child and she disrespects me like a lot
one time at lunch i showed her this weird text message that my mom sent me and she told the whole lunch table and started making fun of me
if i wanted the whole table to know I would have shown them and not only her
you know what irritates me the most tho?
i cant ever have an intellectual conversation with her because she acts like she has all the answers
the only time she ever really wants to talk to me is whenever i mention a certain boy or some type of drug
she’s a good person and everything, but i can’t tolerate her anymore

i should probably say something to her

my brother said that if i don’t say anything nothing is going to change
but idk how to tell her that she’s kind of a bitch
i found the word! she’s condescending

she talks to me in a condescending tone
she doesn’t know when to shut up
(the positives)
she’s really nice and not judgemental
she does give good valid advice, but maybe she can fucking listen to all that i’m saying first before opening her damn mouth
shes smart
i tried a new thing because of her and that was nice
i can be weird as fuck around her and she won’t care because she’s weird AF
she’s open minded
very very kind, that’s something i admire about her. I wish i had a kind heart
i know she’s a good friend
she’s authentic
she doesn’t give a shit about peoples opinions
she gives nice hugs
(stuff)
this is kind of my fault, she probably doesn’t take my problems seriously because when I talk about my them i smile
i smile because i’m afraid people aren’t going to take it seriously
also because even tho things aren’t really going well in my life i act like i’m okay and i’m a good actress
another reason why she probs doesnt take me seriously is because i’m private and i only say the problems that are socially acceptable
she thinks i’m so privileged, but i’m not
but i’m not going to try to prove myself to her
because that’s stupid
my brother says i need to be authentic
i can’t be authentic with her, i don’t know why
i should say something
there’s very few people who really know me and understand my personality
(all of siblings of course lol)
their initials: M, M, R, S, J, E, J, C
all of those people i met this school year except for C I knew C since freshman year, but the girl i’m talking about i’ve known her since freshman year too, soooo…. but i guess that’s kind of my fault i only show her half of me instead of all of me
wow i really suck as a friend
i’m a big ass phony
das crazy
now i want to tell her that i’m sorry. she’s an amazing person and i just talked trash about her
wow i’m an awful person
(other stuff)
i’m not that annoyed anymore
i just needed to get some things out
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Kiss

I want to tell everyone. 

My mom

My dad

My sisters

My brothers

Each and everyone of my friends,

but I can’t.

Is it really any of their business? How do I tell them? It can’t be all at once. I’ll tell them at the end, when it’s all over. What would my parents think? They wouldn’t​ be angry. I know what they’d do and it would bother me so much. 

This news is exciting! and new for me.

I just hope everything works out in God’s favor.

I’m Back Bitches

Hey.

Recap of my life:

1.) I think my depression is getting better!

2.) I’m on the honor roll (yassss!!)

3.) I started doubting God and I think I became agnostic for like a month.

4.) I gave a boy that I really like my number!

5.) I decided to have Bible study lessons with my Pastor. (I’m trying to be a follower of Christ instead of a fan*)

6.) I’m reading a book called Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman*

7.) I’m a much better creative writer. I’ll show y’all some pieces one day!

8.) I am slowly becoming confident in myself and I’m starting not to care what others think of me.

9.) I’m back bitches.

 

Follow me around! Twitter & Instagram: @mshannahleo

Hair Instagram: @sisterlocks16

 

 

I wish my mom was more understanding and nice.

She’s a bully, and no one notices it. Why? I don’t know. I want to go somewhere far away from here. I don’t ever want to come back. I want to be gone. 

Sorry guys, I’m usually not like this. Like I said in my previous post, I don’t know what’s going on with me.

THIS IS NOT A POEM (I am completely serious)

I don’t know what’s happening to me.

At the beginning of the year I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted to be. I was very passionate too.

But all of a sudden, school started.

All my dreams, passions, hopes, and everything just vanished.

I feel like an alien in my own body.

It’s like I have to start all over.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I really need help.

That’s kind of the reason why I wanted to see a therapist.

I just wanted to talk to someone about everything.

When I say everything. I mean EVERYTHING.

I do have friends that would be willing to listen, my family too.

But I don’t know, I’m just tired.

I’m Dreaming of a White February!

Today is the first day of February. Today is the Super Bowl. Today there is a snowstorm outside. Today is the day when I will start all my goals!!!
February Goals:
Write on both blogs each day for the month of February. (That’s going to be a challenge).
Do pushups and sit-ups everyday, increase the number each day
Eat every four hours (no snacks in between)
Get spiritual high back
Read two chapters a day in the Bible (morning and night)
FOCUS ON SCHOOL!!!!
Be honest
Be vulnerable
Be patient
Be genuine
Wear the clothes I want
Have a positive attitude about everything
Stop caring too much
Spend less time on electronics

I CAN DO THIS!!!!! This will start in 5…4…3…2… . . GET READY FEBRUARY! HERE I COME!!!!