Let me be Frank

I will be Frank.

I want a relationship. I've never had one and I want one. I want things to happen naturally with a guy. I don't know why, but whenever I have a crush I change. I'm less confident and I try too hard. It's awful and it's turns the guy I like away.

I want to connect with a guy. I want us to have chemistry. Emotional, sexual, spiritual. We have to be on the same page.

I hate that I want a boyfriend. I'm not usually like this. My friends and my sister told me that it's okay to want a relationship.

I want to watch the sunrise with a guy that I like and who likes me. I want him to hold me.

I want him to call me just to listen to my voice.

I want him to teach me things. I want him to inspire me.

This is what I want and more.

But I won't allow it. I don't want to get hurt.

My brother also said not to have a boyfriend my freshman year of college. I believe that's great advice.

I know I don't need a boyfriend, but I want one.

I want to cuddle and talk.

I haven't listened to Mitski (one of my favorite musicians) in a while because I get into my feelings whenever I listen to her.

Ughhh?? When did I become a softy?? I don't like this. I know how this all started.

It started after June 9, 2017. The day I went to the museum with Adam.*

It was a lovely day. We held hands. We sat at the beach. We kissed. The sky was blue. The clouds were white. It was a beautiful day. He was beautiful.

And sweet.

That day I wasn't trying. I was being myself and all went well.

Whenever I think of that day and being with him I get this weird feeling in my body. It's like my whole body wants to go back to that day. I don't know if that makes sense. Whatever.

Shit, I want to cry. A part of me wants to be like he just a boy, you'll get over it don't cry over him. Another part is saying, it's okay.

Hopefully, in the future God sends me a dude as special or even more special than Adam.*

It's okay
It's okay
You had the moment you wanted with him and it was amazing. Just appreciate then move on.

This is weird

But I’ve been laughing a lot lately. I’m already a laugher…A fake laugher (don’t ask). But these laughs, these laughs they’re real. Belly rippling (?) laughs, wake up the dead laughs, I have to stop tying my shoe because the joke is so funny laughs, stomach grabbing laughs, I have to stomp my foot because I can’t stop laughing laughs!!! God, it feels so good! My stomach is kind of sore, though.

Every morning, I do my daily devotion with God. I noticed a while ago that whenever I do it, whenever I spend time with Him my day is just amazing.

Today, I didn’t do my morning worship, but so far this day has been good. I started thinking, Do I really need to spend time with God to have an amazing day? I realized I wasn’t spending time with God just to spend time with Him, it was just so that I could have a good day. So I was using God for my satisfaction. Sometimes I get so worried when I don’t do it. I’m just like, Oh no, I didn’t do it, today is going to be awful I already know it. Earlier this week I did my worship and it was a pretty awful day.

I realized that when I do my worships with the One and Only, I should be in the right spirit. I should want to be with Him and talk to Him because 1.) He’s amazing and great, 2.) There is no one else like Him 3.) He created me, the heavens and the earth, and 4.) He makes my days wonderful and I should be grateful. I’d be useless without Him. My friend, Kiara, called God her Beloved and I just love that. I’m going to steal that from her.

Positivity!

poz•i•tiv•i•tee

the state or character of being positive : a positivity thay accepts the world as it is.

Hmm… Okay. To be honest I don’t even understand this definition…

I actually do.

But I don’t

So I’m trying to be more positive. Why? you may ask. Well because believe it or not I’m a very rude, mean, negative person. I talk about people behind there backs in a bad way. Some may call me a bitch. So I’m trying to change that. 

But how?

So this week starting now I am challenging myself to be more positive and encouraging about everything. If it goes well, I will try to continue.

I hope I get better.

I will. I can do this!

You should try too.

Snow Day (Final Part)

Since I was off yesterday, I was pretty bored. When I’m bored I do stupid things that waste my parents money. So this is what I did: I MADE A SQUISHY EGG!!!!
This is how you make one:
Get a cup
Put an egg in it
Fill the cup with vinegar
The vinegar has to cover the whole egg
Wait for 12 to 24 hours
After waiting, take the egg out of the cup carefully. You’re going to have to scrub the shell off. This is how it should look like

Processed with Rookie
I think if I waited longer the egg would be clear enough to see the yolk inside of it. Isn’t cool?
30 minutes later, it slipped out of my hand and broke. It was sad, because I barely got play with it. 😦 It’s okay though… I wasted my mommas money, now that I think about it. That was the second to last egg. I used like half of the vinegar… Oh well, at least it was fun to make!

So after cleaning up the spilled egg from the carpet, I made spaghetti. (Because that’s the only food I know how to make). My spaghetti was so good! I flavored the spaghetti sauce so well! It was so tasty! This is what I put in the sauce:
Store bought tomato sauce
Shredded cheese
Louisiana hot sauce
Tabasco hot sauce
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Salt
Parmesan cheese
Parsley flakes
Cayenne pepper
Mm…mm…mmm… It was marvelous
Then I had green beans at the side. You guys should have been there.

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Yassss!!!!!

After that, my sister and I went outside to enjoy the snow. We tried making a snow man, but it ended up being a small mountain…

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I’m Dreaming of a White February!

Today is the first day of February. Today is the Super Bowl. Today there is a snowstorm outside. Today is the day when I will start all my goals!!!
February Goals:
Write on both blogs each day for the month of February. (That’s going to be a challenge).
Do pushups and sit-ups everyday, increase the number each day
Eat every four hours (no snacks in between)
Get spiritual high back
Read two chapters a day in the Bible (morning and night)
FOCUS ON SCHOOL!!!!
Be honest
Be vulnerable
Be patient
Be genuine
Wear the clothes I want
Have a positive attitude about everything
Stop caring too much
Spend less time on electronics

I CAN DO THIS!!!!! This will start in 5…4…3…2… . . GET READY FEBRUARY! HERE I COME!!!!