Cause I’m a woman

W-O-M-A-N

I’m 18

I’m a woman

I’m a black woman.

I won’t stop being angsty.

The angst will go away on its own.

I can still be rebellious, but I’m gonna have to watch out more be—-

(Omg breaking news!!

This boy that I liked last year Snapchatted me. I just opened it and did not reply. I am utterly grossed out about that crush.)

I don’t want to want. I want to just be. Be content and hope for the best.

Is it bad to rethink things? I need to talk to God. I haven’t really talked to Him in a while.

The day after

I made a fool of myself and that’s okay.

I’m growing up. I’m trying new things. I’m experiencing new things and that’s okay. 

Stupidity is part of growing up. Mistakes is part of growing up. I should be okay with that.

I’m hurt. I’m happy. I’m free to be me. I was always free to be me, but I was scared. Well, I still am. 

I’m hurt, I’m hopeful. Hopeful for my own future. 

I will get better at things. I will stop caring, stop being ashamed.

I’m hurt. Relax. I’m hurt. Relax. I was stupid. Relax. I was stupid. Rela—SHUT UP!! ……………Calm the fuck down.

I hate labels. I’m hurt. I’m sleepy. I care….A lot. It’s obvious. 

Energy wasted not being myself. I’m learning. 

High School. I just realized I don’t take anybody seriously at school. 

I can keep writing. I will.

I like to be independent and do things on my own. 

I should’ve–SHOULDA COULDA WOULDA

We get it, you regret this or that. 

My head is spinning. Drop me in a whole. I want to fall forever. 

School is just school. The people there are just people.

It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel stupid. We all have our regrets 

Window

Why do I give up so easily? I want to be a screenwriter, but I’m going into social work. I want to win an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, a Tony, and maybe an Emmy. I got accepted to Columbia College Chicago last month, I can’t go because of $$$. Can I still be an award winning screenwriter and playwright if I’m going into social work. Will I have time to write or even create art? I don’t mind being a social worker, but I don’t want to become one and forget about art, I don’t want to lose myself. 

I’m turning 18 next month. I’m not ready to grow up.

To me that’s a lot

I just spent $40 in two days. I don’t have a job. 

Somebody please pray that I get a job, so that I can buy stuff. 

I’m actually very serious, please pray for me I need a job.

Dear God,

You know how I am. You know that I like to shop. God, please I pray that I can find a job. Christmas is coming up and I want to get my siblings presents. God I really need one, not only for money, but to have something to do, to meet new people, to learn about being an adult…and to help pay for college. God, I really need a job. Please bless me with one. I praise you in Jesus’s name, Amen.