Window

Why do I give up so easily? I want to be a screenwriter, but I’m going into social work. I want to win an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, a Tony, and maybe an Emmy. I got accepted to Columbia College Chicago last month, I can’t go because of $$$. Can I still be an award winning screenwriter and playwright if I’m going into social work. Will I have time to write or even create art? I don’t mind being a social worker, but I don’t want to become one and forget about art, I don’t want to lose myself. 

I’m turning 18 next month. I’m not ready to grow up.

Draft #7

My first day of senior year is next Wednesday. Am I excited? A tiny bit! This is my last frickin year of high school. I feel like I just came into high school. I want this school year to be amazing. It will be amazing.

I’m growing up. I don’t want to. I never liked getting older. I remember when I was nine I didn’t want to turn ten. I was so scared, I thought I wasn’t going to be a kid anymore.

I need a job.

I don’t want to be mature. I don’t want to make big decisions. I don’t want to be an adult. I don’t want to adult. I don’t want to settle down.

I’m not worried. I’m excited! I’m growing up!

start All over

I can’t wait to start my life all over. I’m so embarrassed about the things I’ve said and done in high school…well mainly my junior year. I really need to go somewhere where nobody knows me and I can finally be myself.

I’m so glad junior year is over. I really think I was having a mental break or something. I was literally going crazy. I was going through some shiiiiit.

BUT GOD!

God is so good though, let me tell you I really feel mentally stable…kind of.

I’ve been doing my worship and talking to God. Things are going well because I have Jesus’s peace in my heart.

But honestly every night I keep thinking about the things I said and did last school year and I get so worried and I don’t know what to do. I need to go to college and start a new life like now. Like forreal.

I found a school

My mom has a rule: “if the college you want to go to is out of state, it has to be Seventh-Day Adventist.”

I want to be a filmmaker. I assumed SDA schools don’t have film classes. So I decided that I’m still going to apply to an SDA school, but I’m not gonna go. I’m gonna go to a school in my state.

So I’m applying to three different SDA schools: Andrews University, La Sierra University, and Southern Adventist University. For each college they give you a list of majors and you have to choose one. At first I was going to choose the same major for each one, but they all had different ones.

For Andrews I picked a communications program.

For Southern I chose Fine Arts.

And for La Sierra….. Film/TV and Screenwriting!!!!!!

So an SDA school did have a film program!!! Yay!!!

I choose that one as my top choice.

I was thinking I can’t wait to tell my mom.

My mom came home work. I decide to tell her I got accepted to La Sierra instead of saying I just applied. And you know what she told me…YOU CAN’T GO THERE. It’s too far she says. (La Sierra is in California, I live in the Midwest). (I was expecting her to say, “Yay! Good for you!” Then I would say, “I actually just applied, but hopefully I get accepted”).

Whoa there! Say what?????

My mom never said anything about distance. I finally found my dream school and I can’t even go there. For the first time ever I’m not mad at my mom, but disappointed. How can she do this to me? 

I’m pretty sad right now, so I’m going to watch some  Glee and pray about this. 

Peace