I will be Frank.
I want a relationship. I’ve never had one and I want one. I want things to happen naturally with a guy. I don’t know why, but whenever I have a crush I change. I’m less confident and I try too hard. It’s awful and it’s turns the guy I like away.
I want to connect with a guy. I want us to have chemistry. Emotional, sexual, spiritual. We have to be on the same page.
I hate that I want a boyfriend. I’m not usually like this. My friends and my sister told me that it’s okay to want a relationship.
I want to watch the sunrise with a guy that I like and who likes me. I want him to hold me.
I want him to call me just to listen to my voice.
I want him to teach me things. I want him to inspire me.
This is what I want and more.
But I won’t allow it. I don’t want to get hurt.
My brother also said not to have a boyfriend my freshman year of college. I believe that’s great advice.
I know I don’t need a boyfriend, but I want one.
I want to cuddle and talk.
I haven’t listened to Mitski (one of my favorite musicians) in a while because I get into my feelings whenever I listen to her.
Ughhh?? When did I become a softy?? I don’t like this. I know how this all started.
It started after June 9, 2017. The day I went to the museum with Adam.*
It was a lovely day. We held hands. We sat at the beach. We kissed. The sky was blue. The clouds were white. It was a beautiful day. He was beautiful.
That day I wasn’t trying. I was being myself and all went well.
Whenever I think of that day and being with him I get this weird feeling in my body. It’s like my whole body wants to go back to that day. I don’t know if that makes sense. Whatever.
Shit, I want to cry. A part of me wants to be like he’s just a boy, you’ll get over it don’t cry over him. Another part is saying, it’s okay.
Hopefully, in the future God sends me a dude as special or even more special than Adam.*
You had the moment you wanted with him and it was amazing. Just appreciate it then move on.